You should stay strong :)

Hello!!

I’m back … for just several minutes… I’m trying to escape my routine and write. Next week is midterm and I don’t think that I can handle it. Because I feel that I don’t really absorb the subjects.

I’m tired, I’m bored, and I’m done. I feel like it’s time for me to step back a little and start a peaceful life. But I’ve chosen this path. I can’t be irresponsible because it’s not just about me. It’s about what have my friends mandated to me. It isn’t as simple as I’ve imagined. In my darkest night I’ve been thinking about resignation. Yeah, how about I resign from whatever position I’m in. But if I did that, it means I’m a coward. It means that I’m a pathetic human being.

So here I am, still trying to figure out how to stay active yet energetic. Staying up late is starting to become my new hobby. I do the homework in the night and sleep when the sun goes up. Don’t worry I’m not a person who hates panda eyes. In my opinion panda eyes make a girl looks more intelligent.

I try to control myself so that I don’t rant directly to my friends and my family. Because compare to what they’ve been fighting mine is nothing. However the only thing I supposed to do is studying, right? The others are just my improvisation. My friends always think that I’m the strongest one because I’ve never say my true feelings to them. I’ve never said that all the tasks make me tired.

Well, I want to admit that sometimes they (my friends) are my place to escape. They are the train that takes me out of my boring activities. Whenever I’m with them I always forget that I still have homework or quizzes or paper. From them, I learnt how to live the moments instead of worrying of tomorrow.  

Then I remember my family everytime I check my phone. I still have my family, my biggest supporters. It feels like some of the weight is lifted up when I hear my mom voice. It feels that my energy is topped up when I hear about my father latest news. It feels that I have thousands of supporters when my brothers send me messages.

In the end, I should keep my spirit up. I have every reason to stay strong. No matter how hard it is, it will end soon. Every fight is worth it J

Suddenly it doesn't matter anymore

Hey, I've decided to write at least once per month. To make my blog more alive lol

Today was an exhausted day. Yes, today was Eid al-Adha and I didn't come home. For the first time I didn't enjoy my eid with my family. But I did it with my new family, it's kind of social department of our faculty organization.
We celebrated eid together by helping to do qurban procession in our faculty. Well, it's my first time actually to be involved in such religious event. I was kind of ignorant of this kind of event because I thought I will always celebrate it with my family.
And now I learned how to manage such a crucial event. Well, it was hard at the beginning but suddenly I enjoyed it too. Why? Because it doesn't matter anymore if this is succeeded or not. No matter what I enjoyed it. Being with my friends, talked to seniors, talked to cs, coop with lecturer, and etc. made me think that I actually can do this, that I've been capable of doing this thing.
More over I will meet my family on Saturday, so I have other big event to attend to lol.
I hope everyone is enjoying this day and all the work we've done this day be rewarded by Allah SWT. I believe that it's worth it after all ^^

Surabaya Night Out

Hello, I'm here to brag about my night out like more than a week ago. But I loved it. I mean I think actually they didn't intend to ask me to join. I mean I was there as a replacement. I always am. I'm the unimportant girl. Nobody would ask me out. Nobody would care if I'm exist or not.
So one of my friend asked me because someone from the gang wasn't available. I said yes. Yeah, I was so pathetic. But you know what, I said yes because I didn't know that I was a replacement.
I joined them, we departed together from our institute by motorbike. I rode with bitter feeling. I had felt that it would be a bad idea. But turned out I was wrong. They actually recognized me, or so did I feel.
So here are the photos we took from there. It's Surabaya Night Carnival. I enjoyed the ride, thanks guys. And please don't tell anybody about my scream LOL :D

Goodbye :')

Well, you know what today is?

Yeah 3rd August!!! FYI, August is my favorite month because I feel that almost miracles happened to me at this month. This year I hope to get more miracles too.^^

I would like to say that it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. Exciting because I'm an adult now and I can do whatever I want to do. Terrifying because it's like I'm not ready. 

Yeah, you read it right. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to become an adult. It's like a big task full of risks and I can fail anytime. I don't want to disappoint anyone. All this time many responsible adults surrounded me. I realize that I can't be as patient and as kind as my mother or as persistent and as diligent as my father. 

I realize that I grew up wrongly. I'm an adult but I'm still clumsy. I'm an adult but I always feel awkward near other adults. I'm an adult but I can't start a conversation with other adults. I'm an adult but I still get into a fight with my brothers over small things. I'm an adult but I still will run to the dining table. I'm an adult but I don't how to act like one. 

If only there's a manual book of becoming an adult I would like to read it. Well, how can you let someone like me become an adult. I can't even stand a loveline, gah :'(

But what makes me more at ease is that my parents always treat me the same. My mom still likes to whisper she loves me and kisses me three times. My dad still likes to nag at me because I'm so immature and gives me money when I never ask for it. They even still call me 'Dede'. Sometimes I think maybe that is the reason why I can't grow up maturely. 

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Well---- enough with the melancholy. 

At least I'm happy today because my dad took me on the trip to his workplace. Well, it's been a year since he moved to Banyuwangi. He used to work in Probolinggo. With the distance my father just comes home once a week. He will be at home on Saturday and depart the next day because he has to work on Monday. It must be tired for him but he still do it because he needs it to feed the family.

Maybe because it's my birthday he took me, or maybe because he didn't want me to spend my holiday sleeping all day. 

Instead of taking the shortest way, we took the pantura line. He said that not much to see on southern line. Well I'm happy because I rarely travel east. Yeah, my relatives mostly lives on the western part of java island and it should take a long journey. 

Thanks Pah, it's a precious gift to me. A birthday trip. 

So here's the pic I if you're curious how it's like to drive to Banyuwangi via Jalur Pantura hehehe :D

And please ignore my messy outfit hehe I didn't even shower wkwk :p

We departed at 4 pm

Scenic view by the dawn

Situbondo

It's a mountain peak in Besuki. My father say that it looks like a woman face sleep lie on her back.

After I think about it, yeah he's right.

Look, I posed with her.

Papah, best dad ever :*

It's Baluran!!! Yeah, that National Park.

I even feed the monkeys on road

Ijen

It's Bali Narrows. You see that statue, yeah it's Gandrung the icon of Banyuwangi

The infamous Watu Dodol

We rested a while and eat Fried Duck by the ricefield. It was delicious :9

I'm so happy and I hope I can be a better person. My wish for me is to become a happy grown up. Yippy,,, happy holiday guys :*

This is a new journey

So taddaaa!!!
It's been a long time since my last post (well, the entry about manager is not included kkk since it was meant to be my assignment).
Actually I made a promise to myself not to write anything before semester break because I was afraid that if I post something good it will destroy the rest. So I waited till this moment. This is the last day of semester break (tomorrow I will be back to the jungle LOL).

Do you remember that I almost gave up about applying to ITS? Since I didn't make it via SNMPTN, I thought maybe ITS wasn't for me. So I started looking for other options that I just randomly chose from catalog. My parents felt sorry about the rejection and tried to make me happy. Well I spent a whole day whining and crying because of the announcement.
Then my dad said that it wasn't the time for regret everything, it was the time to get up and plan my life. So I wiped my tears and came to living room to talk about other universities.

I didn't mention ITS because apparently I was just too broken-heart to remember it. It was like trying to forget your first love. IT IS MY FIRST LOVE. I'd never imagine myself becoming other college student but ITS. When everyone asked what college I would go to, I would answer: ITS. But then I had to be realistic so I chose another. It made my parents confuse and asked why I didn't list the institute that reject me for SNMPTN entry. I said that I was too afraid to receive second rejection from it. I was afraid that because of my ego I would loose the opportunity to continue my study.

My dad told me:

 "You can compromise anything but one thing, your dreams."

Then I said that the standard was so very high I was afraid to try and fail. SBMPTN was my last option so I couldn't take it for granted. I don't want to regret my choice.

Then my dad said:

"The only thing you'll regret is not trying. Be brave. To be or not to be. Don't cry when you see your friends made it while you were just too afraid to apply."

Well, he was right, like always. So, I made my mind and chose ITS. SBMPTN has 3 choices based on priority, and I chose ITS for three of them. LOL can you imagine it?
It's like I bet all my life for it.

And it's worth it. They accepted me. Well not my first choice but it's okay.

Now I am studying Information Systems in ITS. It's like the combination of Informatics Engineering (my first choice) and management.

Well, at first I didn't like it because I hated the management part (it's hard for me to memorize all the materials) but then I started to like it. And I can survive. It was because of my friends who helped me.

We will fight together until S. Kom is written next to our name :)

Yeah, I guess my dad was right. I will never compromise my dreams again, I will never doubt my capability, I will believe that if there's a will there's a way.

And Thanks a lot GOD, I love you :*
please forgive my rant in this post

I made many moments and I feel good about them. From now on I will definitely enjoy my life :)

Mas Andre, Ropek, Me, and Nolan @ Smadapro

Forum daerah of my hometown :)

After briefing @SMA 1 Leces

My highschool friends. we met @ Smadapro. Me, Ruli, Tiwi, and Delia

My college friends @ Tunjungan Plaza Surabaya. Nops, Me, Niya, and Febe.

This is my goal now!! To become part of Google :))

See, this is us, SI2014 @ GG7

And I'm proud of being a part of FTIf 2014. Love you guys, keep fighting :)

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